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Love and plate for Terry from the café

OPINION: For supporting Arsenal to be fun, we need Tottenham in our lives

21 September, 2017 — By Richard Osley

Spurs fans, lots of them

THERE’S far too much nuclear hate in the world right now, so I’m not going to froth on about Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s fresh start at Liverpool and the dawning realisation behind Jurgen Klopp’s eyes about just who he has shelled out the best part of £40 million on. Just wait until he knows everything we know though, and gets to the bit where the Ox runs excitedly past a couple of defenders before scuffing a shot wide on repeat cycles.

No, instead I shall tell you about Terry From The Cafe, a reader who rang this week to politely complain that this column was too hateful towards Tottenham Hotspur. Terry From The Cafe – he wouldn’t provide his real surname – said it was time to “pay tribute” to the recent achievements of Spurs. “I’ve sat in this café every Friday reading this newspaper and thinking to myself, this geezer is doing my head in,” he said, meaning me. Instantly, I felt guilty that a good plate of bacon and eggs was being ruined each week by the ever more desperate attempts to tell you red is superior to blue.

Last week’s straw-clutching involved reminding you that although Tottenham are playing in the Champions League, they have not been champions of England since 1961.

Regular readers will remember that Spurs were last champions in the week that the well-known Hollywood actor George Clooney was born – and that guy’s fairly old now. Use his crow lines and grey hair as guide.

Terry FTC reminded me, politely, that Arsenal have not won the league themselves since 2004. I protested that I also write negative things about Arsenal, particularly during the club’s banter-era performances of the last five years.

“Yeah, but that’s true – they are rubbish,” Terry FTC said, “Spurs are good. Write about how well they are doing on. Write something nice. You’re the writer.”

So in honour of Terry FTC, here are five nice things about Spurs.

1. Harry Kane, Christian Eriksen and Dele Alli are excellent players. No dispute.

2. Tottenham fans take losing well. We can make a joke about how they are used to it, but the frenzy Arsenal supporters go into with every defeat, in comparison, is unreal.

3. Spurs have Chas and Dave as superfans. Have you ever been to one of their gigs? A proper knees-up regardless of which team you support.

4. Tottenham did a decent thing when they donated the old turnstiles at White Hart Lane to little Welwyn Garden City FC.

5. If there was no Spurs, there would be no fun. Being an Arsenal fan is made better by having a rival. You can’t have one without the other.

There you go, Terry From The Cafe, gulp, enjoy your brekkie.

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